Hardly Functional: 2009

Monday, July 13, 2009

Nothing to Report.

Lately I haven't had time to blog at all. I've been busy with the Hubbys health. Lots of rushing to the hospital and back. I will blog when there is something to report.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Today is the long chemo day. I really don't have much to say today. Hopefully Saturday Dana, my Baby Sis and I (hopefully Mark too) will go to Six Flags. I will leave you with one of my favorite poets Shihan. Hopefully you enjoy him as much as I do.

Enjoy

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Game On!!!!!!!!!

I am currently sitting at Barnes waiting to hear from the doctor if my Hubby has to do another blood infusion. We did one a couple of months ago and it almost took 6 hrs. We only have to do them when his hemoglobin is too low. But if we do have to do one today it will put a major cramp in our plans. Today is Traveling Tuesday......(he just came up with this). It's just another way to get him out of the house so he doesnt't go insane. We were supposed to go to the Zoo or Art Museum and have a picnic with our Moms. I was actually getting excited about it. So besides that nothing has really been going on besides the normal hustle and bustle. Oh I am now in LOVE with soccer on the 360. I can't believe how fun it is. The last couple of nights the Hubby and I have been having some serious tournaments. Last night he kicked my butt 7 to 3 (head down), but I am getting better and better. I noticed that the international teams are way better than the United States teams. Some of the international teams play like they are on steroids! Whoo Hoo! the Hubby just texted me and I think they will just reschedule his infusion for later in the week. Here we come Traveling Tuesday! Tomorrow we are supposed to go to the movies to see Dance Flick. The movie doesn't interest me but I think a bunch of my friends are gonna be there so I'm in.

I soooooo love this song! Sorry no video yet but you can still listen to it! Let me know what you think of Drake. He is from Canada and signed with Lil Wayne.

Monday, May 11, 2009

My Daddy knows your Daddy.

WHAT THE HECK (PG-13 for you Mark LOL)!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SOOOOOO SLEEPY. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SOME SLEEP PEOPLE???????????????? Last night I had no luck at getting some sleep (OBVIOUSLY!). Mothers Day was good. My Mom really enjoyed our visit. I got a chance to hear my Mom talk about my Biological Father which is really really rare. As kids my Mom never talked bad about our fathers she would always say that when we were old enough we would be able to see our fathers in our own light. I thank her for that because it gave us the opportunity to hold no grudges or hatred toward them when we decided to reach out for that bond that we were missing. Anyways my Mom starts telling me about my Bio Fathers Dad, and how my Stepdad use to work with him. Apparently my "Grandfather" was the head administrator at Malcom Bliss and a psychologist. My Stepdad used to work for him and and would help out with the electro shock treatments Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I couldn't even make this crap up. NO LIE electric shock TREATMENT!!! I can't wait to talk to my biological father and tell him my Dad knew his Dad. I'll have to definately blog about that conversation.

Work was exhausting so I won't blog for long today. How about we listen to some tunes. Goodnight.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Are You My Daddy??????

Mothers Day totally snuck up on me this year. I don't know how I forgot but I did. So I spent my Saturday afternoon shopping for a Mother's Day gift with my sister and her Godson A.J. That was crazy. This was my first time hanging with 2 yr old A.J. He is very smart for his age and speaks very well the only problem is he has this weird infatuation with calling my sister Daddy. Let me explain, my sister is a lesbian. Some might call her a "stud" meaning she looks like a male. AJ 's father isn't in the picture which only complicates things even more. So after numerous attempts at correcting this issue Saturday I eventually threw in the towel. That's right a 2 yr old beat me. I am so ashamed (head down). Anyways I eventually decided on a watch for my Mom (check the pic) after numerous rides on the escalator (or as he calls it elevator) to please A.J.

I have been having this issue lately involving my sleep patterns. I keep having these crazy nightmares. A week ago I had this dream that a killer was after me. He ended up killing everyone in my dream except for me (obviously) and then the killer turns out to be Michael Jackson!!!!!!! So last night I had a naked dream. I had a dream that it was the grand opening of our new bakery department and all the top managers were there including all of the family that owns the chain of stores. So i get excused to go to the restroom before they show up for the unveiling and when i leave the restroom some how my pants are gone?????? So i am now walking around the store in just a uniform shirt and some socks but no shoes and underwear. I eventually make it back to my department with no luck on finding my missing garments. The strangest thing about it is that no one is looking at me weird and there is no one saying "where are your clothes?" So there I am in the middle of my department scrambling to look for my pants because all the "Big Wigs" have hit the door and I am BUCK BOOTY NAKED besides a shirt that barely covers my monkey and some socks..............that's when I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. So what does this mean??????????? I am open to suggestions. I'm getting sleep so goodnight and hopefully i have NO MORE DREAMS!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Beverage Anyone?????????

As I clean my refrigerator it becomes painfully evident that my suspicions are true......no food. I figured that once I cleaned out my fridge which was full of leftovers from each set of parents houses that goes back farther than Easter, we would be left with nothing. Well at least I can offer something to drink. Beverage anyone?????

Okay Okay I know......... I have really slacked on this blogging thing. Definately not on purpose but soo much has changed so fast, I just haven't had the time. I recently got transfered back to my originally store with Dana and Mark. I was able to keep my position even though right about now I would rather take the pay cut and step down. My Husbands insurance company finally worked things out with us so we are getting our bills caught up. THANK GOD. Even though I am back at the store with my bestees I don't get to see them too often. It's frustrating but I am trying not to let things bother me.

They both came over and spent the night last week and I really had a good time. But lets just say Guitar Hero isn't for everyone!!!!!! Its springtime and I love it, even though with all this rain my weeds got about 2 feet tall but thank goodness my Dad stepped in and gave me the phone number to a great guy who cuts his grass. The one thing I love the most about springtime is driving down the highway at about 8 p.m going 60 mph the slight breeze flowing through my dreads tickling my scalp with kisses which soothe me. The street lights dim casting a shadow and the music on something relaxing that keeps you thinking like:

Nothing makes me happier than that! I've been listening to alot of music lately. Ginuwine, Chrissette Michelle, Keri Hilson, Day 26, Maxwell and thanks to one of the bakers Alex I am rekindling my relationship with the oldies but still goodies Luther Vandross, Mint Condition, Karyn White, Boyz II Men etc. etc. For the first time in a long time I am not stressed out and it feels good.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

My Fault!

Wednesday I spent time with my best friend D. I am trying to find a balance between my husband, family, work and friends. I'm trying extra hard with my friends though because i feel like I have let them down in the last couple of months. They a very understanding though but it feels like i am missing soooo much. It was hard for me to hang with them over the weekend and hear about all the things they do together. But the strange thing about it is, ITS MY FAULT! I decided to give them time because they were both going through new things in their lives and i thought they needed time to explore and grow into their new lives. I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry guys :-<

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Soooo Tired!

The last two days have been soooo tiring. I have been at the hospital both days. Monday was a blood infusion (5 hours) and today Chemo (6 hours). So nothing really exciting to write about. I am happy that my friend D and I are supposed to hang out tomorrow. Maybe catch a movie or something. Its been a while since I have been out with my friends M and D because of my Husbands situation. I have a tendency to separate myself from the people that I love when things go wrong in my life, so i pushed them away out of habit. I love them very much though. They are family.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Written In Stone?????

Soooo I got up this morning ready to do some serious cleaning. My hubby has been gone all weekend long and i have been neglecting my duties. I don't mind because i've been doing some hanging with my best friends M and D. So anyways i get up and head out to the grocery store for some groceries and washing detergent. I get there to early (about 15 min.) and have to wait for the store to open. I decided to make a few phone calls while i sat. My first call was to my hubby but he was sleep on the way back home. So i then called my sister but seeing as though she didn't get off til 3 a.m. she was sleep also. My next call was to my Mom and I found out that she planned on coming by later (thank goodness i called her) we said our "goodbyes" and "see ya laters" and I hung up. The last phone call i made was to a good friend who had called me last night but we didn't talk long. She talked about what happened last night and why she had to get off the phone so fast. Then she starts telling me about her conversation with the Store Manager at the store we work at together. Apparently during their conversation I was brought up. He said "It's a shame about her Husband having cancer because they are really good kids." Now before i continue with my story let me explain something, I don't talk or share my problems with ANYONE! I have been this way since my Mother pushed me out into this world! So my friend doesn't know anything. Anyways she tells him that he was lying because if anything this major was going on in my life I would have told her about it because she considered me one of her best friends. Now all this time i am holding the phone feeling like POOOOP! So she then says "It's not true is it." This is when I had to come clean and tell her the truth. It hurt so bad to tell her this because in a way i know i was wrong. So i have to go to work tomorrow and look at my store manager and its going to be weird because I am so MAD at him. What ever happened to confidentiality? The only reason he knew was because if something happened and i had to leave work or i needed an extra day off i wouldnt have any problems. Do I have the right to be angry with him seeing as though i never told him not to tell anyone? Or is it written in stone somewhere that you don't speak about someone if they are not present?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Me

I am not sure how i ended up here. This way. My life that is. I do know that if i don't find a way to release this anger/negative energy, it will destroy me! January 22, 2008 is the day my life changed. It fell apart. It is an unpleasent feeling to lose all control over the direction your life is headed in. This is the day that my Husband was first diagnosed the esophageal cancer. How do you look the love of your life in the eyes and tell him everything will be okay? It is the hardest thing I have ever done because i had to lie. To look in his eyes and see uncertainty is scary. We at that time had only been married for 2 1/2 years. I don't know how we did it but we just tried to pick up as many broken pieces as we could, but the more we tried to glue them back together the more they just kept falling. 2 steps forward 3 steps back right?

Last year we went through alot of ups and downs. False hopes, failed chemo treatment, hospitalization seemed to take over alot of it. I found God and with the help of my family and friends we made it through. The cancer is still here but we just keep fighting. Because of his illness he is unable to work and because the disabillity company through his job are real pricks, I am the only income in our house. The bills keep piling up and i can barely stay afloat. I am stressed out on an un imaginable level which is where the anger comes into play. I am so irritable all the time that i fail to see the good in anything. I just keep praying that things will get better. Just recently the doctors have told us that the tumor is starting to shrink with the new chemo they are giving him. I pray that it keeps shrinking because the thought of losing my Husband is something i cannot handle.