Me

I am not sure how i ended up here. This way. My life that is. I do know that if i don't find a way to release this anger/negative energy, it will destroy me! January 22, 2008 is the day my life changed. It fell apart. It is an unpleasent feeling to lose all control over the direction your life is headed in. This is the day that my Husband was first diagnosed the esophageal cancer. How do you look the love of your life in the eyes and tell him everything will be okay? It is the hardest thing I have ever done because i had to lie. To look in his eyes and see uncertainty is scary. We at that time had only been married for 2 1/2 years. I don't know how we did it but we just tried to pick up as many broken pieces as we could, but the more we tried to glue them back together the more they just kept falling. 2 steps forward 3 steps back right?

Last year we went through alot of ups and downs. False hopes, failed chemo treatment, hospitalization seemed to take over alot of it. I found God and with the help of my family and friends we made it through. The cancer is still here but we just keep fighting. Because of his illness he is unable to work and because the disabillity company through his job are real pricks, I am the only income in our house. The bills keep piling up and i can barely stay afloat. I am stressed out on an un imaginable level which is where the anger comes into play. I am so irritable all the time that i fail to see the good in anything. I just keep praying that things will get better. Just recently the doctors have told us that the tumor is starting to shrink with the new chemo they are giving him. I pray that it keeps shrinking because the thought of losing my Husband is something i cannot handle.